MLQ Preview: Championship Weekend

Photo credit: Jessica Jiamin Lang Photography.

Editor’s note: A few weeks ago, Ryan Sparks tasked FBI staff with crafting an MLQ Preview wherein each team could only be described in approximately three words. We decided to make it a little more interesting by allowing each interested staff member a shot at contributing on each team so long as they restricted themselves to the word limit.

Also: “Jefferson Steelflex” is the chosen pseudonym for this article for new staff writer “Chester Steakknife”—which is, yes, also a pseudonym. Enjoy that hot ball of confusion.

East Division

Boston Night Riders

Ryan Sparks: QCB or nah?
Ryan Smythe: You mad, bruh?
Bruce Donnelly: No more tyranny.
Mitch Hatfield: Who are they?

New York Titans

Sparks: Really missing Augie.
Smythe: Also missing Leeanne.
Donnelly: Zagey caught it.
Hatfield: Who are they?

Ottawa Black Bears 

Oops.

Washington Admirals

Sparks: Wifey’s team. ❤
Smythe: Bad for parties.
Donnelly: #Bernie2016.
Hatfield: Not Washington state.

North Division

Cleveland Riff

Sparks: Read: Cleveland Browns.
Smythe: Someone call LeBron.
Donnelly: Suburb of Pittsburgh.
Hatfield: …who?

Detroit Innovators

Sparks: SO MANY INJURIES.
Smythe: Can anyone walk?
Donnelly: Needed Andrew Axtell.
Hatfield: Who are they?

Indianapolis Intensity

Sparks: BLAKE THE SNAKE.
Smythe: Too much orange.
Donnelly: Smythe is wrong.
Jefferson Steelflex: I like orange.

Rochester Whiteout 

Brb.

South Division

Austin Outlaws

Sparks: YEE
Steelflex: Obvious championship run.
Smythe: Kedzie motherfucking Teller.
Donnelly: Beat Boston, please.
Hatfield: Go Outlaws, go!

Kansas City Stampede

Sparks: Who needs Keir?
Smythe: Almost beat Austin.
Donnelly: Slow balling sucks.

League City Legends

Steelflex: WHERE’S LEAGUE CITY???
Sparks: IT’S BY HOUSTON.
Smythe: Doesn’t actually exist.
Donnelly: S’actually from Pokémon.
Hatfield: Not in Washington.

New Orleans Curse

Donnelly: Total underachiever.
Sparks: Best socks.
Steelflex: I want socks.
Smythe: Just the socks.
Hatfield: Something about socks?

West Division

Los Angeles Guardians

Sparks: Stole KU’s jerseys.
Smythe: Ready to upset.
Donnelly: Third place.
Steelflex: Probable championship run.
Hatfield: Go Guardians, go!

Phoenix Sol

Sparks: More like “lol.”
Steelflex: Shit Outta Players.
Smythe: *thunderclap* IT’S ALIVE.
Donnelly: Who dis?
Hatfield: Seriously, who dis?

Salt Lake City Hive

Sparks: #HypeTheHive
Smythe: Sexiest seeker duo.
Steelflex: Bees?
Donnelly: NOT THE BEES.
Hatfield: I KNOW THEM!!!

San Francisco Argonauts

Sparks: Lucky Phoenix exists.
Steelflex: Wasted possible potential.
Smythe: Just you wait.
Donnelly: A huge disappointment.

 

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